Standards are falling everywhere

Nostalgia just isn’t what it used to be. It used to be about living carefree without bicycle helmets and no crime when everyone had a job and no one had cancer. But times have changed. Now people are claiming that crop circles don’t meet the standards of the past.

enthusiasts have slammed a series of recent attempts as being the work of “amateurs”, as the number of ingenious creations has fallen sharply this year.

Just 15 were counted in July compared with more than 50 last year, and according to experts they pale in comparison to their predecessors, leading some to rename them “crap circles”.

The impressive designs have previously drawn thousands of tourists to southern England but this year visitors have been left underwhelmed by simple patterns including a heart, a small uneven circle and a square.

For the answer, reporters have turned to Matthew Williams, the first person to be prosecuted for criminal damage by creating a circle in a wheat field.

“The best croppies have retired or gone on to something new, so there isn’t any competition any more”, Mr Williams said.
“They are all creative types and without any friendly rivalry just can’t be bothered.”

Mr Williams, a computer programme from Devizes, Wiltshire, said he retired because of hay fever.

“Julian Richardson, one of the best croppies ever, has moved on to making sand circles instead”, he added.

“He wants to try something different and I think he’s fed up with believers trying to make money from his hobby – that he never made a penny for.”

Crop circle from the past

Crop circle from 2013

I’m quite sure that most farmers are not disappointed that their crops are being destroyed, even if a few have made some money from tourists.

Aliens aren’t what they used to be.

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