We can read in two places in the Bible that the meek are the inheritors of the earth.
But the meek shall inherit the earth; and shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace.
Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.
However, as the satirical article in the Canadian magazine “The Smew” points out, the Meek are still waiting.
HEAVEN—In a statement released today God, the supreme being and creator of the universe, confirmed that he has once again postponed the transfer of the planet Earth to the meek.
Representatives of the meek confirmed that, to date, they have not inherited anything. Gustavo Barros, 67, a blind, homeless man from the slums of Rio De Janeiro, read a statement prepared by the group. “At this time we are, unfortunately, still poor, hungry, and downtrodden,” said Barros. “Moreover, based on the lack of response from God to our repeated inquiries, we’re fairly certain that for the foreseeable future, the Earth will remain in the control of the powerful interests that seek to maintain the status quo.”
The news came as a great relief to the non-meek, everywhere. “When they announced that release I started getting really nervous,” said Joel Quinlan, 50, a Connecticut hedge fund manager worth over $7 billion. “I was like, ‘Uh oh. The jig is up. The meek have inherited the Earth and I’m probably going to lose my yacht.’ But it turned out it was just a false alarm. I was so relieved I bought myself another yacht.”
Many non-meek questioned the meek’s ability to manage the Earth, were they to inherit it. “I don’t think these ‘meek’ should be running things,” said Yousuf Qureshi, 33, a Somali warlord who has killed over 400 people. “They are not proactive enough.”
Others claim that thought they wish the meek well, any Earth-inheritance should take place at some point in the future. “Look, I love the meek. They’re great. I use them for servants and prostitutes,” said Anton Sokolov, 53, a Russian oligarch. “But now would be an awful time for them to inherit the earth. I have a vacation to Miami coming up and I’m planning this huge coke-and-champagne fueled orgy, and it’s not going to clean up after itself.”
For their part, the meek have tried to remain optimistic. “Hey, maybe we’ll inherit the earth in 2013,” said Janine Daughtry, 29, a terminally-ill, uninsured single-mother from Ohio. “Not that I’m saying we should. I don’t like asking for things. It seems so pushy.”
As of press time, God had not responded to requests for comment.
According to Google University, the Psalms were written approximately 3,100 years ago, although this particular one may be as recent as 2,00 years. Either way, the meek have been waiting awhile.